The Hidden Truth About the Astronomer Scandal Nobody Talks About

The recent scandal involving the CEO of Astronomer and his head of Human Resources didn’t just expose a messy affair - it revealed something deeper, and frankly, more absurd.

It reminded us that HR in modern tech companies is less about "human resources" and more about human refreshments. In many high-tech firms, HR has morphed into a soft-power department of mood management - a grown-up version of party planning.

This isn’t to say HR does nothing, but let’s be honest: they make sure the coffee machine works, the vacation days flow, the snacks are gluten-free, the salaries are processed on time, the plants are watered, and the offices are stylish enough to post on LinkedIn. Oh - and there’s always a nice wellness seminar scheduled for next Tuesday.

Not Building, Not Engineering

HR, particularly in tech, and let’s acknowledge it’s a field mostly run by women in industries largely dominated by male engineers, is fundamentally non-technical and non-productive.

It doesn’t design products, solve engineering challenges, or close revenue deals.

At best, it runs psychometric screenings that often filter out brilliant weirdos and bring in corporate conformists who won’t threaten the CEO’s fragile sense of control.

That’s not innovation. That’s poor risk management with a smile.

No Power, No Product, Still Taken Seriously

Here’s what’s baffling: for all its lack of technical function or contribution to profit, HR has gained enormous presence and budget in modern companies. It’s not business, it’s not code, it’s not sales - and yet somehow, HR gets a seat at the executive table. And if it does performance monitoring well, you do not need a HR department for that..

If it were a marketing function, maybe there’d be some brand value to extract. But more often than not, it becomes a mini-bureaucracy run by social science graduates who speak in vague jargon and run personality workshops. Sometimes I wonder how anyone in a serious tech company doesn’t just laugh when HR walks into the room.

Corporate Soft Socialism in Heels

Let’s call it what it is: maternalistic soft socialism in heels, embedded deep within every modern company. It’s a vibe, a culture, a set of rituals - and eventually, predictably, it leads to boredom. And boredom, in executive settings, often leads to affairs.

So what did the Astronomer scandal really teach us?

Not just that infidelity is embarrassing. But that idleness breeds infidelity.

There’s something almost cliché about a CEO sleeping with his Head of HR. It’s corporate theater at its most predictable. Maybe if he spent less time in heart-to-hearts with her, and more time in cold, hard strategy sessions with the CTO - he wouldn’t be caught cuddling backstage at a Coldplay concert.