Why the Torah Lets a Soldier Take a Woman He Desires

“And you will desire her. You shall take her for your wife.” (Deuteronomy 21:11)

At first glance, this verse seems shocking. A Jewish soldier at war sees a beautiful woman and desires her — and the Torah allows him to take her? Isn’t the Torah the very book that teaches us to resist temptation? Aren’t self-control and moral discipline core Jewish values?

So why, in this moment of raw desire, does the Torah seemingly surrender?

Rashi’s Explanation

Rashi (the classic 11th-century commentator) explains that the Torah is not promoting this act —it’s tolerating it. In war, normal behavior breaks down. Soldiers are far from home, isolated, traumatized, and surrounded by violence. The Torah recognizes that, in such extreme conditions, a man may be overtaken by powerful temptation.

And so, instead of issuing a firm “no” — which would likely be ignored — the Torah says: “If you must, then here are the rules.” It allows the soldier to marry the captive woman, but only after a cooling-off period, time for reflection, and under highly specific conditions (see verses 12–14). It’s a legal framework designed to limit impulsivity and reintroduce humanity to a dehumanizing environment.

But this still raises a deeper question: Why does the Torah take this approach at all? Why not demand strength? Why not urge the soldier to rise above?

“Run for Your Life” – Rav Yechezkel Abramsky

The late Rabbi Yechezkel Abramsky, a towering 20th-century Talmudic authority, once explained this with a sharp, unforgettable phrase: “When it comes to temptation — run for your life!”

In his view, there’s only one way to truly overcome strong, emotional temptation: escape. Don’t battle it. Don’t negotiate with it. Just get out.

This is exactly what Yosef (Joseph) did in Egypt. When Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him day after day, he didn’t fight back with arguments or logic. He simply fled the scene. (Genesis 39:12)

But here’s the problem: A soldier on the battlefield can’t escape. He can’t run away. In fact, desertion in ancient warfare was punishable by death, both in secular armies and under Torah law. He’s stuck in the fire — with no exit.

And if you can’t run from temptation, Rabbi Abramsky says, then you’ll eventually fall. So in this case, the Torah doesn't ask the impossible. Instead, it gives the soldier a controlled framework — a slow path to channel his instincts without descending into chaos.

The Torah Doesn’t Ignore Reality

This is a deeply Jewish idea: the Torah doesn’t ignore human nature. It doesn’t pretend we’re angels. Instead, it meets us in the battlefield of our lives — literally and metaphorically — and says: “If you can resist, you must. But if you can’t… then do it on My terms.”

It’s not surrender. It’s strategy. The Torah doesn’t give up — it takes the wheel.